4-29-15 – LEASED SITE CONTRACT “SIGNED”!!

OMG everyone . . . I am so excited that you are going to follow me on another journey . . . a journey that will be a “happy” one.

The Tipps are coming today! They are my neighbors across the way that I posted pictures of their leased site. You can bet I’m headed over there to see them sometime today. I think the last time I saw them was about three years ago or so when Lester and I were there. I remember talking to them . . . and remember them as great people. What better place in this park for me to settle into. I’m sure I can get good information and tips from them. Love some of the things they’ve done with their site. And I’m sure all of you know how I like to landscape given my gardens at home.

It rained some last night, this morning the sun was out and the park had this awesome glistening look to it. It’s one of the things I am going to LOVE up here. Today is such a great day! I brought the paperwork home last night to review and see if I had any questions before I signed the contract. This morning I brought the paperwork back to Steve, the Resort Manager. Lance, the head ranger, brought me coffee and Steve and I just sat down and went over everything. He’s a great guy but today is his last day and there will be a new Resort Manager.  He handed me the printout showing the $1,000 deposit I put down and the balance is $1,940.00! Money is going to be a little tight for a while considering the $3,000+ income tax I had to pay, but I can do this! It’s like $245 a month for rent. Can’t beat that!

Steve said Home Depot has sheds that are acceptable to be put up. You purchase them and put them together. Put them together? Really? Me? Is this one of those obstacles I have to figure out? I bet I could find a guy up here to help me. Actually, there’s a doctor on a leased site up in “F” Loop. I met him yesterday when I first came into the office to sign up for my spot. I doubt I will have a problem with some of this little stuff. J But putting all this aside, I bet ranger Michele and I could put it together. And actually? I’m sure I could put it together.

When we finished and I was getting ready to leave Steve welcomed me aboard, gave me a hug and said, “You’re family now. We’ll take care of you”. How great is that.

~ Shirley

 4-28-15 - I DID IT!!

Well it's a done deal!! Got my leased site - D12, 50 AMP, at the Pacific City, OR Thousand Trails. That's my ranger friend, Michele, standing on my picnic table.

The maintenance guy will come in and lay gravel to level, clear out brush, put in the two posts and chains as shown in my neighbor’s leased site across the way and they will also put in an electric meter with the cost running anywhere from $20- $40 a month. If anything happens to the electricity, I have propane!

4-27-15

Vicky . . . People are posting so many wonderful and positive things in response to my posts that tell me I am reaching them and others in ways I would not have thought of. As I have mentioned in the past, the words have to flow and they flow from my heart and the words I express in my posts are truly what I am feeling and experiencing. I love it that all of you are following me on this journey . . . because it's definitely been one from day one. And like you said, I've had good moments and definitely dark moments.

My friend George knew I was depressed and needed to get away, but really didn’t know how bad my depression was until I explained some of the stuff I was going through. One of my stories that really gives a little insight into my depression has been my vacuum cleaner hose story. It definitely puts where I was in perspective and I’m sure there are many people that will have a hard time relating to it because they haven’t experienced it.

Now that I’m where I’m at now, I actually love telling that story because I’m not in that place any longer. I still can’t believe I let that vacuum cleaner hose lay there for at least two weeks between my bed and my little fire place in my bedroom. This area is probably not more than 2’ x 5’ wide. This is one of those in-house vacuum cleaner hoses and is probably 15 feet long and it’s spread out within this little area.

There was no clear path to walk through this area. I would walk over it, trip over it and keep walking and not think anything about it. I know I did this at least for two weeks. At one point I remember stopping, turning around and looking at it, knowing I should pick it up and put it away. Could I make myself do this? No. I would stand there and think about picking it up . . . and that was about it. I couldn’t even seem to force myself to bend over and pick it up so I would just turn back around and walk away. It’s like there was an invisible shield that I couldn’t seem to walk through. It just stopped me in my tracks . . . just like it did with a lot of other stuff. That’s what depression can do to you. When I told George this story, he just looked at me with this look and said, “I had no idea Shirley”.

And this wasn’t just a single incident. Another story aside from letting my dishes sit in water in my sink for 3-4 days is my top bed sheet story. There are a lot of these stories, but since I’m on a roll now, I’ll tell you about this one.

 At some point I finally got around to washing my bed sheets . . . not sure how long it had been, but probably long enough I knew I had to wash them. I had a second set of sheets I pulled out, put the bottom one on, got distracted or whatever I’m sure . . .  probably went to the bar and by nighttime when it was time to go to bed, I just pulled up the two silky blankets I had and went to bed. The top sheet was still folded and on the floor. It sat there for over two weeks before I finally got around to putting it on the bed. I would walk through my bedroom on the way to the bathroom, and probably walking over the vacuum cleaner hose, look at that grey neatly folded top sheet and just walk on past it.

Many people have mentioned to me about writing a book and I’m sure I could do that. I’ve thought about it for over eight months . . . but that’s all I’ve done is think about it. But I am thinking that once I get over here . . . the time will be right and I can start giving it serious consideration. It would be an interesting book because I’m sure there would be things in the book that were not on Facebook.

~ Shirley

4-26-15

Yesterday was a little emotional, but I celebrated with my friend some of the things Lester and I use to do while staying at Pacific City. Went to Depoe Bay and browsed all the little shops there. He had never done this but found he enjoyed it with me. I’m in and out of those shops pretty quick. I’m sure any man would appreciate that.

On the way home, we stopped at the Chinook Casino in Lincoln City to enjoy an awesome meal at the buffet and gamble a little. He doesn’t gamble but played the slots a little while I was waiting for my Keno tickets to play out. Can’t believe all I ate. Two helpings of pretty much the same thing. Mashed potatoes and gravy, BBQ ribs, meatballs, prime rib and a few other things. Dessert was cheese cake with warm Marion berries, strawberries and whipped cream. I had two helpings of that. I was definitely in my element. It still amazes George how much food I can put away.

4-22-15

TIME TO MOVE MY RIG OVER TO THE PACIFIC COAST!! - I'm thinking this is getting ready to happen!!

Talked to Michele, the ranger up here and she gave us the numbers of three spaces that could possibly accommodate my rig which is 39 feet w/3 slides, can accommodate one, possibly two vehicles, so George and I went and checked them out. There are no sewer sites left that would accommodate my RV.

F-40 and G-8 are 30 amps and D-12 is 50 amp. F-40 up on the hill, not a lot of privacy, G-8 was actually too small. Not sure why Michele gave us that spot to check out. Tomorrow I will check with her again and drive around and see if there is anything else available that might be OK. 50 amp is pretty high on the priority list especially if you are staying in your RV for any length of time. It’s all about the hair dryer! :) They will come in and level the site, put down some gravel, put up the posts with the chain across the site and have a green sign made up with whatever I want on it to designate my site. I can remove bushes if necessary, but not trees. What’s really cool about this particular site is the leased site right on the other side has been landscaped and decorated. It’s really nice. If D-12 is the site I pick, I’ll take pictures and pictures of the site across the road as they will be my neighbor!

Big shocker for me is the prices have gone up $300 to $600 depending on the site. The good thing which makes D-12 cheaper is the fact that it does not have sewer and there is not an ocean view or a view . . . actually it's next to the road which is OK given what's available to lease and the fact that it’s 50 amp. Another good thing is if another site that was already leased came open and it was something I preferred, I can move my rig into that site, pay the difference for whatever it might be. There can only be seven more sites that can be leased and then their quota of leased sites will be filled.

The thing of it is, is if I want to do this, I have to make the arrangements while I am up here . . . which is only going to be another week before I head to Bend, OR to stay at Rebecca's for a few days before heading home. There are going to be some hurdles and obstacles that I am going to be confronted with, but being the strong person that I am and having handled what I have over the past 1 ½ years, I can do this . . . I know.

Will have an update, I’m sure, by tomorrow. If this happens, they will be doing a background check on  me for a one-time fee of $100. Would not have thought I would be doing this three months ago. I think I just crawled out of that tunnel when I made the trip to Rebecca’s and then on over here. I have thanked George many times for making this happen because had he not invited me over while he was staying at the Pacific City Thousand Trails, I can guarantee you I would not be moving my rig over here, nor would I be where I am emotionally right now. It's all good!

If it’s meant to be for this to happen . . . it will! And if it does, you will be following me on a totally different journey. Say a prayer for me because it is a little scary to think of this big move that’s possibly coming up. It’s not a done deal until the papers are signed.

~ Shirley

4-20-15

OMG you guys . . . I have to tell you how well I slept last night given my circumstances. You all know about the sleep deprivation I have been experiencing over the past 6-8 months. Not good for the body, that’s for sure! To bring some of you up to date; along with all the depression I was experiencing . . .  all of a sudden I began to experience the inability to fall asleep. It was like a switch was flipped. Weird. It took me a while to recognize this, but when I realized I was going to bed at whatever hour . . . it really didn’t make any difference, and 1 a.m., 2 a.m., 3 a.m. would roll around and I’m still laying there not falling asleep. It was like this for at least six months. Many mornings I would get up never actually going to sleep.

Now in the past this would happen on occasion so didn’t think much about it until I realized this was going on every night. This was one of reasons that moved me to get my butt to the doctor. At this time it was really hard for me to move forward and do anything and it took me another month to pick up the phone and make the call to get in to see Marty. So he gives me a prescription for Ambien, I read the side effects and it takes me another two weeks of not sleeping before I actually start taking this medication. And it’s only letting me sleep about 4-5 hours and I’m awake again. Oh well . . . I guess 4-5 hours of sleep is better than none.

So anyway, I make the trip over here to the coast and I’m going to stay with George in his rig. I needed to get away and I remember him telling me he remembered me telling him this in an email. He was really reading in between the lines of this email because he’s told me several times since I’ve been here that when he read it he could sense the urgency in my words; and now when I think about it, there was. I remember being at a point where I really did feel I needed to get away and take my mind off of everything. I wasn’t getting in a panic mode, but knew about that time I needed a change. Something needed to change because I just couldn’t seem to be moving ahead . . . or anywhere for that matter.

After being here a day or two I’m ready to get off the meds and I do. All is OK, still having some sleepless nights and know I have to aggressively start working on this. So now I fix chamomile tea (I do two tea bags in a cup – different blends of camomile) just before I go to bed and take a melatonin gel cap. Seems to work for the most part.

So yesterday, I’m getting up from the couch and this pain shoots through my lower back. Oh shit! What the hell did I do? I’ve had this happen to me only about twice in my lifetime. I had to grab the side of the couch and slowly get up and I’m hurting . . . pretty bad. This happened about 5:30 p.m. I just so happen to have some Vicodin with me, take one and lay down. I don’t like to take this past 5 p.m. as it keeps me wired all night long. George has some of that cream for back pain that Val use to use, so he rubs some on my lower back and I can feel the heat immediately. It’s pretty good. So long story short, by 11:30 p.m., after watching the CMAs, I make my chamomile tea and take my pill and go to bed.

 I slept until 7:30 a.m.! And may have slept longer if George hadn’t come in to make my coffee. Since I was still sleepy I told him not to make it, he goes back to bed and I GO BACK TO SLEEP!!  OMG. And slept until 10 a.m., when George got back up. The man definitely likes his sleep. I have NEVER done this in the past 6-8 months. New experience . . . that’s for sure!

When I first got here and wasn’t sleeping, I said a prayer and asked God to help me sleep. Not sure how it would come about,  but knowing how God has worked for me in the past, I knew something would happen . . . just not sure how. It’s pretty important to me.  I’m sure I prayed while back in Suncrest at some point during the past six months, but for whatever reason, I’m sure there didn’t seem to be the urgency as there was when I got here. Too much stuff going on back there that I was unable to feel the deep need needed when I prayed.

 So anyway, I wake up this morning and my back is 80% better. Wow. I have a visit coming up at 12:30 p.m with Michele, one of the rangers up here. We connected immediately. She’s just my kind of people, long red hair and full of life. So I have it on my calendar to go visit her at 12:30 p.m. Because my back is still a little sore, he drives me down to here she has her trailer, D35. We end up at the Pelican Brew Pub. OMG what an awesome time. We think we’re soulmate friends and she wants me to bring my rig over here and put it on a leased site. Maybe that’s what it’s all about . . . don’t make any rash decisions in the first year. And then while we are at the Pelican Brew Pub, I get a call from a Mike that wants to talk to me about my motorhome. Shit. Wouldn’t that be something if someone actually wanted to give me the price I owed on it and at the same time I’m thinking about bringing it over here to the coast of Oregon and have the ability to stay in it seven months out of the year. And if that ran out, I could stay another three weeks under my membership, go back out to another TT and then come back for three weeks. It’s a  win-win situation.

 As I’m typing this, I’ve already had two of those real hoppy beers. 85 IBU I think . . . with tomato juice. I get back from having lunch at the Pelican with Michele and am a little tipsy. What an absolutely awesome day and my back is feeling pretty good. Thank heavens!!!!

 ~ Shirley

4-19-15

As I’m sitting in bed drinking my coffee this morning, it’s hard to believe in a few days it will be 1 ½ years since Lester passed away. I think of all the things I’ve gone through and experienced and it hasn’t been an easy journey.

 I remember 2-3 months ago sitting on my little couch in front of my bay window at night with my flameless candles on and my lights dimmed and thinking about how I was feeling and the fact that I couldn’t seem to move forward. It was like the vacuum cleaner hose that was on the floor at the end of my bed. I walked over it. I tripped over it. I just looked at it and walked by it. I can remember turning around and looking at it on the floor and couldn’t even make myself pick it up and put it away. That’s what depression can do to do.

 I would try and analyze the feeling and how it was possible for me to get into this state of mind and my inability get out of it. By this time I know it’s depression because I finally decided to go to the doctor and ended up on Prozac and Ambien. Wow! Really? Not something I wanted to do; but in the long run, it did help me with all the crying and finally being able to fall asleep. I think somewhere along the line I read where it wasn’t good to come off of Prozac cold turkey, but by the time I got here and had a friend that could be with me as I did . . . I was ready and am glad I did. Four months was long enough for me.

When going through all this, one never really understands they are in a darker place than where their inner self really wants to be in and that they truly are in a “frickin’ tunnel”. You are functioning in a state of mind that absolutely drains you and you can’t recognize it. I remember going to the bar and having so much fun; but the moment I came back home, it was like I crawled in that tunnel again.

So now I’m over on the Oregon Coast and am off the meds. I am grateful this part of my journey was only 1 ½ years before I crawled out of that tunnel because I have friends who are still in that “tunnel”. I feel good and there’s a sense of hope and happiness in my future. Lester would want that. For all of you ladies in the same position as I am . . . your husbands would want that for you too!

I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but I can tell you my state of mind has changed. It feels good! And all of you; friends, family and classmates,  have played a big part in my recovery from the loss of my husband and I love all of you for this.

 It’s almost 11 a.m., so I guess I need to get up and get outside on this beautiful day!

 ~ Shirley

4-18-15

Well, this morning started out headed toward Newport. Plans were to go to the Oregon Coast Aquarium, Walmart and whatever. We were almost to Newport when traffic came to a halt on Highway 101. Big accident, truck on side, guy pinned inside. After sitting there for about ½ hour, we see a cop come walking back stopping and talking to the people in the cars ahead of us. There would be an hour wait as they were trying to get the guy out.

So we ask the cop if there is an alternate route, says yes, but it’s a truck logging road. We were planning on eating at Pig ‘N Pancake again, hadn’t eaten breakfast, we were really hungry and hoped we would find some little off the road restaurant because it’s now about 2:30 p.m. We sure did. It was called the Road House Café. Met some great people, had a few red beers, a hamburger and some TATER TOTS . . . OMG! Love those little taters. People along the coast are so friendly as were the people we met in this café. They actually had Bud Light! Bless their hearts.

 So by the time we finish eating, drinking and visiting, we figure the road is cleared so we head back over to Newport. It’s getting late so we decide to sight see instead of heading over to the aquarium. Headed over toward the Bay Front in Newport where some of these pictures were taken. The weather was beautiful today! Drove all around the area and then headed to Nye Beach. Stopped in at the Nana Brew Pub and split a Rueben sandwich and had a couple of red beers. They don’t have Bud Light in these Brew Pubs, so I just order a beer that’s not too hoppy and have them put tomato juice in it. Tastes just fine.

It’s different being here. So many new things, love the weather whether it’s rain, sun or hail. I know at some point I have to come home, but not sure exactly when that will be. I could stay here indefinitely. My friend, Sandy Hutton, sold her house (in two weeks) and has bought another one in the Valley to be closer to her kids. She will be gone by the time I get back, but we’re already planning on getting together. Am going to totally miss her living down the street. While in the Nye Beach area, I had good reception so called her and caught up on stuff.

 Well, it’s almost 1 a.m., guess I need to take that pill and go to bed. Have been sleeping much better. I wake up most mornings now grateful that I was able to fall asleep and give thanks for that. It was needed and have found over the past 1 ½ years that many of my needs have been met and fulfilled . . . I have only had to remember to ask. You know the saying . . . Ask and you shall receive. I have found this to be true for me, has to be a need though, not a want.

 I had a great day today! I’m not thinking about a whole lot of stuff . . . not even worrying about my $3,040 taxes I have to pay. Wow . . . that’s what happens when you go from married to single and forget to fill out the paperwork to change your tax deductions. But you know what . . . It is what is it! It’s all good!

I have no idea how I am going to feel when I get back home. I’d like to think my thinking will be clearer, I will feel a more lightness inside me and be able to take care of things at home that have needed taking care of for a while.

 ~ Shirley